They have come so far, but having to relive everything that has happened in the last 6-12 months...
 |
| June 2012 |
We are getting close to Gwen's 1 year diagnoses for ANSD. The more I think about AN, the sadder I get recently. I just wish I knew she was going to do well with her HA. Just wish she would develop language well enough, and hear well enough to be the best she can be.
.JPG) |
| Gwen - July 2013 |
I also worry about Avery's paralyzed vocal cord, and people not understanding them. The girls are still random stopped, and they get looks. Avery always gets looks when she gets excited in talking.
.JPG) |
| Avery - July 2013 |
I don't want people looking at them, signaling them out. I know it already happens with the fact that they are twins. But I wish that they wouldn't look because of Gwen's HA, or the looks when Avery talks.
They are fine.
.JPG) |
| Avery - July 2013 |
They are both dealing with disabilities.
.JPG) |
| Gwen - July 2013 |
But I refuse to treat them as disabled.
.JPG) |
| Avery - July 2013 |
But I can still be sad.
I will still have days that I blame myself.
I know it isn't logical, and I know that I didn't do this to them. I know that the alternative to it all is worse.
If Avery didn't have her PDA surgery when she did, she would have bleed out into her lungs and died. Simple as that. We couldn't have waited for her to be bigger, to wait for the space to be bigger, and for it to be less likely for the nerve to be damaged.
.JPG) |
| Avery - Jan 2012 |
If Gwen wasn't put on a ventilator, she would have died too. We almost lost her several times, too many times to count and we would have if she wasn't ventilated. It damaged her hearing. Her early delivery, low birth weight, jaundice, antibiotic use all damaged her auditory nerve and were all because of being born early.
.JPG) |
| Gwen - Jan 2012 |
These are the realities of the girls. I have to deal with this, somehow. And I will.
It's just taking sometime.
No comments:
Post a Comment