tbt

Sorry I've been MIA from the blog, work with appointments and sickness has taken me away. But that happens with kiddos!

I've been posting trow back thursday pics on facebook and thought i would share todays, my baby ninja was born on a Sunday mornning a month shy of 6 years ago and his birthday is on a Sunday again.

Can't believe he is going to be six!

Happy Holidays

2013

11:30 am on Christmas Eve we saw Santa at the mall, that gives you an indication how busy this month has been. Between me going back to work, needing to get a new van quick, birthdays, and soooo much snow we haven't stopped!

Hope everyone has a safe, wonderful, family filled holiday season and new year!

Side not look how much bigger the kids are vs. 2012 (and they are in mirror to this year)

30th birthday prep

Matthew is turning 30 this Friday. I keep thinking how crazy the girls have grown, but he his preemie #1 in this house and has changed greatly. I have seen earlier pics, but his mom isn't a fan of those so I only have copies of him nearing the end of the NICU stay.

home a week 

Nearing going home from the NICU 

going home day 

Rhys has the blue and white blanket from when he was a baby, and Avery was in the same cot as her daddy when she moved out of her incubator.  

But anyways, I am reminded how much the girls have changed and can imagine how Matthew's parents are feeling nearing this milestones. 

So now I'm planing his birthday party and looking back at how much he has grown. I am so thankful everyday for his doctors and nurses, some even took care of the girls. But without them trying to save Matthew 30 years ago, the kids wouldn't exist. 

Another wonderful pic I have is one of him and Avery's godmother (Matthew's cousin who is 3 months older then him) 

you can tell how tiny he was next to her

two of them on other side of me in 2012 he has caught up in size

new pics

We recently got new family pics taken so I decided that it would be net to switch the picture on the blog. I was debating which one to choose.

A nice pic of Rhys

very hansom little man

He is the ninja after all, but that isn't quite right.

Maybe one of Gwen

silly Gwen

Or Avery

those eyes! 

Maybe a really nice family shot? that would cover the three preemies and the ninja

I know! something that is of all of us, but it more like "us"

Perfect! Rhys and Gwen acting silly, Matthew not quite looking, and Avery acting like she doesn't know us. 

Thanks again Auntie Mae for taking the pics, and reminding me what is important.

For all things there is a season

Life is busy, but would I have it any other way? Nope.

A lot has happened, and we are trying to settle into the new normal.

I went to the all day scrabooking fundraiser for the Sunshine Foundation . It was a great day, and I got 14 pages done in Gwen's book. I would take picks of them (and will later) but due to the camera incident I'm currently looking for my old SD card. During the fundraiser, I won not only the door prize but also one for making so many pages. It was great to get out for the day and just create. It was also great that I was able to do so for such a great cause and met a bunch of parents of much older NICU grads.

one cell pic of a double page layout I did

Gwen has gone back to audiology at the end of September. Her hearing is the same in the right and a little better in her left ear. They made casts for new earmolds, and we talked about her starting up speech language. After both girls going on the wait-list back in April 2012, we finally had appointment times for this week (Gwen's was supposed to be Monday & Avery's Wednesday) Both the audiologist and her AVT therapist were excited to get in touch and plan with the SL.

I also got the go ahead from them for getting Gwen's ears pierced, in fact they believe that it is the perfect time to do so, from their end. So now we just are trying to decide if we will get it done this coming weekend, or to wait until the Spring. Matthew and I have talked over the pros and cons, and both Nan's have been informed with expected results. The two main reasons why I think we might wait until Spring is because they need to stay in for so long and we have very cold winters not comfortable with earrings in, and because the girls are already at a high risk for illness why risk an infection on top of all the other bugs they will be fighting? We just want to both be well informed, but at the same time, we know that we can care for them properly and that we want them to get their ears done. I guess there is never the perfect time to do so.

Avery was to Physio and is expected to do fine, we just have to encourage her not to take both hands from people when walking. She was to speech language yesterday, and the SLT is very impressed with her vocab and her language comprehension. That is once she warmed up to the SLT. In the appointment we worked it out that her paralyzed vocal cord is in the worst position for speech. That we can't do much until she is older that we can tell her how to regulate her airflow to project her voice without straining her right vocal cord. Right now when she yells she is straining the cord. So she doesn't need to go back until March/April

Miss Ave

Avery was smiling by the end of the SLT appointment, a big victory due to her sobbing in my arms at the beginning. When asked what she thought of the appointment she said "that was some nice Mama" I jokingly said to her father it was proof that she spent the weekend down the southern shore.

The reason we were down the shore was that one of Matthew's 90 year-old Nan's passed away last week. She was much loved, and lived a great fulling life. I could only wish to be as loved and respected. Mrs Helen was waked on Sat & Sun then her funeral was Mon morning.

Mrs Helen with Rhys May 2008

Late Sun night I packed up Rhys and Gwen for the hour and a half drive home because Gwen's SL appointment was at the time that we would miss the funeral, it would have been at least a 4 month postponement to the appointment if I cancelled it. Rhys also had his school picture day on Monday. At 8:16 am Monday morning with both kids in the van, I got the call to cancel Gwen's appointment. We rushed over to Rhys' school got his pic done by 8:30 am then we headed down the shore again making it before the funeral to be there with the rest of the family. Most expensive school pic he will ever have taken.

I was glad to be there for Matthew, he did the first reading and he did really well given how emotional it was for him.

spent way too much time in the van this weekend 

Or family pics were put on the back burner which turned out to be a blessing because it was raining on the original day that we were planning on doing them. It also gives us more time to find a coat for Rhys that we like that is in his size.

Gwen's SL appointment has been rescheduled for tomorrow, so I am unsure what the plan for her is.

We also completely uncovered the wallpaper, and it looks to be in great shape. I think we might keep the green and work with it. Thankfully it is the same green in my inspiration pillow.

inspiration pillow 

wallpaper at night 

As I was typing I just got the call for Gwen's first visit with her itinerant teacher, its on the same day as our anniversary. So two home visits coming up. More reasons to make the wallpaper work for now.

And we have three birthday parties, two baby showers (on the same day) our anniversary, Thanksgiving and Halloween coming up. Who knows what else! I like to keep busy, but it would be nice if everything wasn't on the same day. We are missing out on the CHHA family Halloween fun day, because its on the baby shower day.

I also had gotten an awesome deal on a new SD card, unfortunately it took a few times using it and loosing some pics before I found out it was corrupt. I almost lost pics I took during the weekend with the family in because of the wake. I have also realized that most of the pics seem to look poorer quality from that card but that could have just been on my end ;) Thankfully Auntie Mae was able to have a look and found out that I had to re-install drivers to my computer and after much finagling we were able to fix my DSLR too. But that SD card is a write off. It is the lesser of the problems, but it sucks that my brand new card did so much damage and caused that much grief. Thanks again Auntie Mae!

But I'm still in it

Between starting appointments up again, and gathering pictures for Gwen's scrapbook I've been rather reflective. I'm sad that Avery now has to restart physio because it feels as if it is a step backward. But I can't be too sad because I don't know if she will need beyond the next appointment. And honestly it is better to get her checked out then to leave it be and not know.

I heard someone recently from some 9/11 documentary or something that on the day he was freaking out and a police officer said "don't worry you are just suffering from post traumatic stress" and he responded "post traumatic, but we are still in the trauma" or something to that effect

Now how does that relate to me?

Not much for me personally, but I do know that many parents that live through the NICU suffer from P.T.S.D.

And honestly I can understand why. You go day by day, moment by moment not knowing if your child is going to die. Alarms startle you wondering if this is their last struggle and if they are going to give in.

Avery

That is unbearably hard.

I thankfully had a great nurse say to me in the first day to ignore it all. They do. Look at their colour and you will know how they are really doing, sometimes the monitors are overly sensitive or wrong and the baby is on an upswing. I quickly could tell you if I should really be worried based on their colour. To this day if one of them is "off" I know by looking at them. I don't need a thermometer, I can tell that Gwen turns a purplely blue and Avery gets to a translucent gray.

Gwen's space 

Eventually for me the sounds of the NICU were calming, it reminded me that the girls were where they needed to be and in capable hands.

But I know other parents found it stressful. Matthew was rarely comfortable in level III. Without a doubt he would be there for 10 mins max and need to rush to the washroom being gone for 15+ mins. It was an upsetting place for him, I teased him that it was his subconscious reacting to being back in the NICU.

Matthew & Gwen

Other parents would get a look of panic at every alarm, and given that there were 8 babies in level III between the two rooms and sometimes 5+ things that could alarm on each baby it was rarely quiet.

Its constant noise. I've heard it liked to a battle field. The non-stop noise, babies fighting for their lives along side of their nurses, doctors, and specialists. As with someone who goes through a war, they are more prone to P.T.S.D.

Avery

And it follows you

I'm still in in per say, were is the post?

All of the appointments.

All of the health issues.

Always having to do things differently because they were early.

I know how lucky we all are. The girls are behaving like normal 20 month old's, there are few lingering health issues, and no one has P.T.S.D.

But a break of 4 weeks from appointments is not the norm. I shouldn't be recognized by hospital parking staff. They shouldn't know my kids names.

We are still in the NICU.

our view from our care by parent room in the NICU 

Not physically, but mentally. We have to isolate ourselves in cold and flu season, at least for another year until they are on their third. We have to memorize countless procedures, appointments, specialists, and health issues.

I can only imagine how hard it is for the parents who suffer from P.T.S.D. Constantly having to relive it.

Eventually this too will end, and we are getting discharged from appointments and specialists. But for now we are still in it.

ooooooh

I have three very excited kids.

Rhys - Sept 3, 2013

Gwen - Sept 3, 2013

Avery - Sept 3, 2013

Why?

They had a blast yesterday going to the Geo Center. 

Rhys has school in 2 days.

Daddy is off for just over a week in 3 days. 

And the girls still don't have any appointments yet for another 2 weeks. 

That and we took some older toys out of storage, the excitement of seeing something for the first time in months


But we are missing Rhys' Icky from home. Can't find it anywhere. Thankfully we borrowed nanny & poppy's Icky last night. No clue where she is gone. Need to keep looking for her.

Icky went into surgery with Rhys

broken record and some possible interesting news

I know I know, I'm busy.

Matthew had a week off so we fled to the southern shore to stay at his nanny's house after the girls cardio appointment.

So first the cardio appointment. It went really well, Gwen's pressures were fine so she got discharged.

Avery's blood pressure is perfect again so... she is off of meds officially and discharged from cardio too!!!!!

look how serene I am now that I have low/normal blood pressure 

Now she has a follow-up with Nephrology in September and her Nephrologist has the last say over her blood presser but it makes me hopeful. 

After their late (holy molly 3pm appointment that didn't start until 3:30pm) we headed off to Matthew's nanny's house. Rhys and the mother-in-law headed up with Matthew's aunt & nanny. While Matthew, the girls and I headed up in our rig. We got there after 7 so we tried to get set up to get the girls to bed. 

All three loved spending most of their time outside, Matthew loved spending time with the kids where he has some of his most favorite childhood memories. 

Matthew took these playing with the kids 

Rhys up a tree that Matthew climbed many times 

the girls playing hid and seek 

Avery enjoying the yard 

Gwen running around 

I loved spending more time with Matthew's family. Most of his aunts showed up for short visits during our time there due to the community one over having their come home year that week. It was also during Lady Day and they are from a good Irish Roman Catholic community with its own grotto so a big influx of visitors during our stay. 

grotto

Rhys running around before the service 

the girls waiting for it to start

Because of how devout some of Matthew's relatives are there were week long candles lit for the girls for at least as long as they were in the hospital (I know they were longer then that, but I can't remember how long) and so a bunch of the people there stopped me telling me that they prayed for the girls and how happy they were to see them now. 

Loved spending time with the family, and getting out of the city. 

So now we have a break until sometime mid September before there is another doctors appointment, and I'm glad for the break. 

Rhys starts up school in only a few weeks, were did the time go??? Still waiting to hear about what session he is in be it mornings or afternoons. But regardless he is all ready, all the school supplies are bought and ready to go! 

Also, I wanted to let you guys know that I might be doing a guest blog for someone that I have been following for a few years during her TTC journey. I will let you know more when I hear it but it is exciting to think about. I will keep you posted! 

Vacations, Walking, Appointments, Regatta oh my!

Life has been busy.

What, really, you ask? Life is busy with three kids?

I feel like this is how I'm starting lots of blog posts recently.

Since I last posted the girls had their 18/19 month assessment at the PPP on July 25th.  And they got assessed at 18/19 so we don't have to go back until they are 3 year olds!!!! You won't believe how excited I was to finally get the "they are behaving like their actual age, not their adjusted age"

After the appointment we went on a mini vacation with my parents and in-laws. The kids loved it and so did we! On the second day Gwen decided that all she needed to walk was an empty 4L bottle of water in her hand and all the family to see her. Since then she hasn't stopped!

While on vacation Matthew and I marked our 10 year dating anniversary on the 27th. We didn't do too much because we were running around enjoying our vacation so yesterday we went to lunch with the girls to acknowledge it.

three little monkeys on the top bunk 

Also during the vacation we were able to spend some alone with Rhys and drive to the Aviation museum and swing by the silent witness memorial. Rhys loved the special attention and being the big boy doing big boy things, but he also insisted that we buy somethings for the girls while we were there.

Captain calling 

flight simulator 

Look how big the gun is dad!

Looking at the different planes and "all the mechanical pieces"

plane going though the museum 

silent witness

Daddy and Rhys taking in the memorial 

We also went to the touch tank in Terra Nova Park. Avery tried to climb into it she loved it that much

Avery is excited!

Trying to get into the tank!!!!

Touching it all 

Mom look what I did!!!!

After the vacation there have been a bunch of appointments. Avery doesn't have to see ENT for 9 months. Gwen's AVT is happy with her word count. They will be getting their speech therapy appointments in the next few months and next week we get the big cardio appointment to see if Avery is to stay off her meds and to see if the pressures in Gwen's heart have lowered like expected.

This past week we also got to go down to the Royal St. John's Regatta. The kids loved it and this is the girls second one (third if we count their time in-utero)

Regatta 2013 (Avery & Gwen) 

Regatta 2012 (Gwen & Avery) 

I know there is more I want to talk about but I have two baby girls who are climbing all over me! Back to life