Happy Holidays

2013

11:30 am on Christmas Eve we saw Santa at the mall, that gives you an indication how busy this month has been. Between me going back to work, needing to get a new van quick, birthdays, and soooo much snow we haven't stopped!

Hope everyone has a safe, wonderful, family filled holiday season and new year!

Side not look how much bigger the kids are vs. 2012 (and they are in mirror to this year)

The worst day...

Dec 8, 2011

I panic thinking of it, it was the date I went into hospital and was placed on bedrest.

It was the date I was told the girls only had a 10% chance of surviving the birth.

5% chance of surviving.

only a 2% chance of being "intact".

I was told I could just stand up, that because it was before 24 weeks they were not expecting survival.




It was the beginning of my nightmare that I couldn't wake from



I cried for 48 hours. Heard every scary statistic. Knew too much. Was reminded again and again what I would need to do "when you get pregnant next time" as if the girls were already gone...

Talking of not only my mortality to try and wrap my brain around were I would want my babies placed to rest if they didn't make it.

I spent 14 days on my head fighting to keep the girls inside, ignoring my own health risks and focusing just on them. Quickly I realized that my crying might be doing more harm, so I pushed back my fears, and focused on them.

Fighting for every steroid, every antibiotic, refusing to move unless I was made to. And then I passed the 24 week mark and I had more support in our fight.


I thought I was ready for this day, that I was over my sadness. The girls are fine, and doing well. But the thought of bedrest, of Dec 8th makes me sad.

I hope next year will be better.


I have been told that it was the day that makes people proud of me. That I became a supermom.

I didn't see it that way.

I just did what I believe any mom would have done if given the chance.

So today I have to remind myself that at the end I got my beautiful baby girls, and remind myself once again that everyone is safe, alive, and as healthy as they can be.

Gwen

Avery

It doesn't help that there is a lot going on right now that I can't get into yet, on top of my normal issues with Dec 8th. 

So I'm sorry if I don't seem very festive. I'm sorry if I might not smile as much as I normally do. I'm working through this and trying not to let my kids notice. 

Tooth Fairy

Mr Rhys is growing up way to fast for me. His bottom front teeth have been wiggly since the second week of School.

I picked up fabric for his tooth fairy pillow today, and before he left for swimming with Nana, he pulled out the left one.

Calling everyone to tell them

new smile 

holding his tooth

So now he is off for sleepovers and three nights of tooth fairyness

Speech Language

Dear Gwen, sweet dear Gwen.

I can say 80% of my gray hairs have come from worrying about you,. Not to say your siblings haven't given me a few, Avery & Rhys' two surgeries where no walk in the park. Avery gave me many frights during her NICU stay. But I don't think I have ever stopped fully worrying about you on a major level. You with your hearing, with your language stills, with the unknown.

Will we have to make the unthinkable choice to go with CI's?

I don't know.

And the unknown is a lot more frightening then certainties, AN is such an unknown.

I thought you were doing well.

I thought that you were talking up a storm. Not as much as Avery, but she doesn't need hearing aids.

But after speech language today, I got the impression that your doctors are more concerned then they are telling me.

So now what?

We have to wait and see, and try to give up on worries. You are happy, healthy and know no different.

And isn't that all that matters? That you are happy?

Hopefully now we will have a lot more answers now that you have started SL, but as always its hard to tell with you.  But it is a start and we will get more answers. 

For all things there is a season

Life is busy, but would I have it any other way? Nope.

A lot has happened, and we are trying to settle into the new normal.

I went to the all day scrabooking fundraiser for the Sunshine Foundation . It was a great day, and I got 14 pages done in Gwen's book. I would take picks of them (and will later) but due to the camera incident I'm currently looking for my old SD card. During the fundraiser, I won not only the door prize but also one for making so many pages. It was great to get out for the day and just create. It was also great that I was able to do so for such a great cause and met a bunch of parents of much older NICU grads.

one cell pic of a double page layout I did

Gwen has gone back to audiology at the end of September. Her hearing is the same in the right and a little better in her left ear. They made casts for new earmolds, and we talked about her starting up speech language. After both girls going on the wait-list back in April 2012, we finally had appointment times for this week (Gwen's was supposed to be Monday & Avery's Wednesday) Both the audiologist and her AVT therapist were excited to get in touch and plan with the SL.

I also got the go ahead from them for getting Gwen's ears pierced, in fact they believe that it is the perfect time to do so, from their end. So now we just are trying to decide if we will get it done this coming weekend, or to wait until the Spring. Matthew and I have talked over the pros and cons, and both Nan's have been informed with expected results. The two main reasons why I think we might wait until Spring is because they need to stay in for so long and we have very cold winters not comfortable with earrings in, and because the girls are already at a high risk for illness why risk an infection on top of all the other bugs they will be fighting? We just want to both be well informed, but at the same time, we know that we can care for them properly and that we want them to get their ears done. I guess there is never the perfect time to do so.

Avery was to Physio and is expected to do fine, we just have to encourage her not to take both hands from people when walking. She was to speech language yesterday, and the SLT is very impressed with her vocab and her language comprehension. That is once she warmed up to the SLT. In the appointment we worked it out that her paralyzed vocal cord is in the worst position for speech. That we can't do much until she is older that we can tell her how to regulate her airflow to project her voice without straining her right vocal cord. Right now when she yells she is straining the cord. So she doesn't need to go back until March/April

Miss Ave

Avery was smiling by the end of the SLT appointment, a big victory due to her sobbing in my arms at the beginning. When asked what she thought of the appointment she said "that was some nice Mama" I jokingly said to her father it was proof that she spent the weekend down the southern shore.

The reason we were down the shore was that one of Matthew's 90 year-old Nan's passed away last week. She was much loved, and lived a great fulling life. I could only wish to be as loved and respected. Mrs Helen was waked on Sat & Sun then her funeral was Mon morning.

Mrs Helen with Rhys May 2008

Late Sun night I packed up Rhys and Gwen for the hour and a half drive home because Gwen's SL appointment was at the time that we would miss the funeral, it would have been at least a 4 month postponement to the appointment if I cancelled it. Rhys also had his school picture day on Monday. At 8:16 am Monday morning with both kids in the van, I got the call to cancel Gwen's appointment. We rushed over to Rhys' school got his pic done by 8:30 am then we headed down the shore again making it before the funeral to be there with the rest of the family. Most expensive school pic he will ever have taken.

I was glad to be there for Matthew, he did the first reading and he did really well given how emotional it was for him.

spent way too much time in the van this weekend 

Or family pics were put on the back burner which turned out to be a blessing because it was raining on the original day that we were planning on doing them. It also gives us more time to find a coat for Rhys that we like that is in his size.

Gwen's SL appointment has been rescheduled for tomorrow, so I am unsure what the plan for her is.

We also completely uncovered the wallpaper, and it looks to be in great shape. I think we might keep the green and work with it. Thankfully it is the same green in my inspiration pillow.

inspiration pillow 

wallpaper at night 

As I was typing I just got the call for Gwen's first visit with her itinerant teacher, its on the same day as our anniversary. So two home visits coming up. More reasons to make the wallpaper work for now.

And we have three birthday parties, two baby showers (on the same day) our anniversary, Thanksgiving and Halloween coming up. Who knows what else! I like to keep busy, but it would be nice if everything wasn't on the same day. We are missing out on the CHHA family Halloween fun day, because its on the baby shower day.

I also had gotten an awesome deal on a new SD card, unfortunately it took a few times using it and loosing some pics before I found out it was corrupt. I almost lost pics I took during the weekend with the family in because of the wake. I have also realized that most of the pics seem to look poorer quality from that card but that could have just been on my end ;) Thankfully Auntie Mae was able to have a look and found out that I had to re-install drivers to my computer and after much finagling we were able to fix my DSLR too. But that SD card is a write off. It is the lesser of the problems, but it sucks that my brand new card did so much damage and caused that much grief. Thanks again Auntie Mae!

Gaining square footage

So we moved into our first house back March 1, 2012 during the girls NICU stay. In the first month we replaced the floors and wall colours in the kids rooms, finished the basement into a playroom. We've been putting off the living room because other then the ugly accent wallpaper and the paint job that I can sorta live with for now it is in decent condition.

The textured painted wallpaper seems to be barely staying on the walls and I have jokingly threatening to take it down.

I wonder if the twins heard me...

Avery pointing to their handiwork

I was in the bathroom and when I came down both girls were in the corner, Avery sitting on the end-table. So there is paneling under the wallpaper. After all the layers of flooring/wall's we have encountered I shouldn't be surprised. Can anyone say three layers of carpet in the girls room? Or three layers of walls in the playroom? We jokingly have said more then once that we gained square footage. 

So what to do??? 

After a bit of debate we decided that we wanted to take down the wallpaper before and the paneling looks better then the wallpaper,or the wallpaper with a massive whole.

only 30 mins in and its coming down easy 

What things have your kids done while you were in the bathroom? Next time I'm going to give them plastic scrappers. Just kidding!

 

Eye appointment

Both girls had their followup eye appointment today and nana Joyce came along too. It was the quick one, no drops or anything. Gwen was great and was in and out in under 5 min.

Gwen

Avery...

Well, Avery is a different story. She has this fear of the outpatient clinics now and freaks out when she goes into one. So after coaxing her into looking for the test she did as well as can be expected. She is still slightly nearsighted and will continue the trend, we don't know if she is much more nearsighted but we know that she still is. Joys of her genetics not being premature.

Avery with the parent she takes the most after.... well, physically 

Now we don't need to go back until March 2014, when they will be getting their drops again. The long appointment.

Next up? Physio for Avery next week.

Auntie Mae & Family Photos

My wonderful friend Mae, often called Auntie Mae or Auntie Mae Mae, is a great photographer. She loves to take pics, and I love the outcome. We have known each other for 9 years now, and lived together with one of her sisters and Matthew. She is Gwen's godmother and one of her middle names Bridget is after Mae.

Auntie Mae in between shots Gwen looking at the camera 

She was Rhys' first roomie, and they share a great unique bond because of it. How many people can say they lived through/with a newborn that wasn't their own or in their family?

Rhys & Auntie Mae cuddles 

Auntie Mae had magic hands

last summer selfie 

Mae will always be the kids Auntie by choice not by blood, and I love that her family has taken us in too. I love her like the sister I didn't have, and even though we can be very different we still love and respect each other.

A few of her pictures have shown up before in the blog and so has she, the banner pic is one she took for the girls first fathers day. She has taken so many pics of the kids and of us that I love it when she gets excited and starts talking about new ideas for a family shoot.

Avery in the hospital 

Gwen in the hospital 

Mae babysit and did a photo shoot (collage I made for the grandparents) 

my princesses at home 

Love this one! 

Right now we are in the planning stages of our next family shoot and we are going to attempt to get family pics every year. We have succeeded except for the year the girls were born because we were waiting for me to be further along to make it maternity pics and family pics. Little trouble makers

Gwen

Hopefully they will happen in the first week of Oct, we have to work around Matthew's work and Mae's.

Matthew & I last summer 

I know I could never do justice to Mae in only one post but I am thankful that she has chosen my kids, and they are lucky enough to have her as an Auntie. 

Thanks Mae!


  

Beginnings

Rhys' first days of school have been great. No tears from him or us.

Rhys' sign thanks to Scarlett Love she is so awesome and made this really quickly 

"enough pics mom!" - Rhys

Class of 2026

Giving Dad a squeeze in his Class of 2026 t-shirt

Gift from his teacher on his first day

We have had to change his wake-up time and bed time twice since Thursday in attempts to get him to school on time. We only live 5 min walk away so there is no school bus, but I have still drove him over in a mad dash three of his four days. I think we finally have worked out the best sleep/wake-up seclude for him because today was on time.  I'm doing a lot better with the early mornings then I thought I would. I'm not a morning person. But the positive is that I'm getting better with it as we go.

I'm already wishing he had full days. 

I feel like I just drop him off and then need to go back to get him, but we have to wait until grade 1 before we get full days.

Still enjoying a break from appointments, still another week before we get one and then we jump head long into it again. 

ooooooh

I have three very excited kids.

Rhys - Sept 3, 2013

Gwen - Sept 3, 2013

Avery - Sept 3, 2013

Why?

They had a blast yesterday going to the Geo Center. 

Rhys has school in 2 days.

Daddy is off for just over a week in 3 days. 

And the girls still don't have any appointments yet for another 2 weeks. 

That and we took some older toys out of storage, the excitement of seeing something for the first time in months


But we are missing Rhys' Icky from home. Can't find it anywhere. Thankfully we borrowed nanny & poppy's Icky last night. No clue where she is gone. Need to keep looking for her.

Icky went into surgery with Rhys

Halloween & first days of school

So school and Halloween are coming up. We have the girls costumes already but still have to get Rhys'.

As geeks we take costuming to a bit of an extreme. I acknowledge this.

Rhys has been a Ninja

Oct 2008

a Lion (it was the month we got married, I can be forgiven for falling short on this one)

Oct 2009

a pirate (and yes that is a parrot on his shoulder)

Oct 2010

he redid the pirate in 2011, which was upsetting to me. I was willing to make/buy a different costume but he refused. 

and Thor (with Avery as Wonder Woman & Gwen as Super Girl)

Oct 2012

the girls re wore it at the convention in April 2013

Rhys is asking for another Super Hero, not going to say who just because I know we can do it, it just is going to be way to cold! It is October in Newfoundland. So we will be going to the Halloween store in the next week to see what he will be. 

And he starts school in 6 days... oh my! 

I need to come up with a yearly first school day tradition between now and then. Suggestions?

There will definitely be pictures. Lots of pictures! 

My first day 1989

Scrapbooks

I loved making a digital photo book (semi scrapbook) for the NICU on the girls first birthday as a visual reminder and resource for other parents.

Not every baby will have the same NICU experience, that I know for a fact from having two very different ones with the girls and hearing about Matthew and Angela.

I have been scrapbooking for years and have an opportunity to go to an all day even in late September where the proceeds are going to charity, something right up my ally. I have been putting off starting the girls books but now with such a great start I have been going through pics getting Gwen's ready. I hope that if I get everything ready, pick out layouts pics and paper that I might get through at least her leaving the NICU.

But due to trying to get them all organized I am cursing the software I have to make multiple small pics in one sheet of 4x6. I haven't used it since I was still pregnant with the girls and cluing up Rhys' first year book.

example of Rhys' visits 

See I am a scrapbook procrastinator! Rhys was 4 before I finished his book, wait... I haven't done the last page yet oops.

But I do well in organized events with everyone scrapbooking around me. The last retreat I went to, I ended up finishing Rhys' book doing 15 double pages in one weekend. So giving myself 13 hours to try to get through over 4 months and 4 holidays I think I might just do it, if I prep.

So back to prepping. Wish me luck.

Denial?

Lately in conversation with strangers when asked how old the girls are I always say "they are x months old, but they were a bit early"

My mother-in-law has heard me say this and each time I say it in her presence she corrects me saying "they were not a "bit" early they were 15 weeks early" And if she gets asked their age she always says "they are x months old but were 15 weeks early"

I can understand were she is coming from, the girls were more then a "bit" early. They have grown well and are doing awesome given what they have gone through and all they have overcome.

But...

I love sharing the info, I do. But part of me wants to try to, not forget it, but get past the NICU the premature delivery. Of course I will share my info with others, help people going through the same thing, phrase my girls for overcoming more in their short lives then most will in their lives.

At the same time I don't want to forget.

I can't.

But in trying to distance us from it to strangers am I doing the girls a disservice? Should I just say they were 15 weeks early to everyone who asks?

I realized that I had believed that it was only 14 days before held Gwen, and had be believing that for some time. That isn't true. I am getting pictures of the girls organized to start their scrapbook and have realized I held Avery at 15 days and Gwen was 23 days old.

15 & 23 days before I could hold them.

Avery- Jan 5, 2012

Gwen - Jan 13, 2012

broken record and some possible interesting news

I know I know, I'm busy.

Matthew had a week off so we fled to the southern shore to stay at his nanny's house after the girls cardio appointment.

So first the cardio appointment. It went really well, Gwen's pressures were fine so she got discharged.

Avery's blood pressure is perfect again so... she is off of meds officially and discharged from cardio too!!!!!

look how serene I am now that I have low/normal blood pressure 

Now she has a follow-up with Nephrology in September and her Nephrologist has the last say over her blood presser but it makes me hopeful. 

After their late (holy molly 3pm appointment that didn't start until 3:30pm) we headed off to Matthew's nanny's house. Rhys and the mother-in-law headed up with Matthew's aunt & nanny. While Matthew, the girls and I headed up in our rig. We got there after 7 so we tried to get set up to get the girls to bed. 

All three loved spending most of their time outside, Matthew loved spending time with the kids where he has some of his most favorite childhood memories. 

Matthew took these playing with the kids 

Rhys up a tree that Matthew climbed many times 

the girls playing hid and seek 

Avery enjoying the yard 

Gwen running around 

I loved spending more time with Matthew's family. Most of his aunts showed up for short visits during our time there due to the community one over having their come home year that week. It was also during Lady Day and they are from a good Irish Roman Catholic community with its own grotto so a big influx of visitors during our stay. 

grotto

Rhys running around before the service 

the girls waiting for it to start

Because of how devout some of Matthew's relatives are there were week long candles lit for the girls for at least as long as they were in the hospital (I know they were longer then that, but I can't remember how long) and so a bunch of the people there stopped me telling me that they prayed for the girls and how happy they were to see them now. 

Loved spending time with the family, and getting out of the city. 

So now we have a break until sometime mid September before there is another doctors appointment, and I'm glad for the break. 

Rhys starts up school in only a few weeks, were did the time go??? Still waiting to hear about what session he is in be it mornings or afternoons. But regardless he is all ready, all the school supplies are bought and ready to go! 

Also, I wanted to let you guys know that I might be doing a guest blog for someone that I have been following for a few years during her TTC journey. I will let you know more when I hear it but it is exciting to think about. I will keep you posted!