broken record and some possible interesting news

I know I know, I'm busy.

Matthew had a week off so we fled to the southern shore to stay at his nanny's house after the girls cardio appointment.

So first the cardio appointment. It went really well, Gwen's pressures were fine so she got discharged.

Avery's blood pressure is perfect again so... she is off of meds officially and discharged from cardio too!!!!!

look how serene I am now that I have low/normal blood pressure 

Now she has a follow-up with Nephrology in September and her Nephrologist has the last say over her blood presser but it makes me hopeful. 

After their late (holy molly 3pm appointment that didn't start until 3:30pm) we headed off to Matthew's nanny's house. Rhys and the mother-in-law headed up with Matthew's aunt & nanny. While Matthew, the girls and I headed up in our rig. We got there after 7 so we tried to get set up to get the girls to bed. 

All three loved spending most of their time outside, Matthew loved spending time with the kids where he has some of his most favorite childhood memories. 

Matthew took these playing with the kids 

Rhys up a tree that Matthew climbed many times 

the girls playing hid and seek 

Avery enjoying the yard 

Gwen running around 

I loved spending more time with Matthew's family. Most of his aunts showed up for short visits during our time there due to the community one over having their come home year that week. It was also during Lady Day and they are from a good Irish Roman Catholic community with its own grotto so a big influx of visitors during our stay. 

grotto

Rhys running around before the service 

the girls waiting for it to start

Because of how devout some of Matthew's relatives are there were week long candles lit for the girls for at least as long as they were in the hospital (I know they were longer then that, but I can't remember how long) and so a bunch of the people there stopped me telling me that they prayed for the girls and how happy they were to see them now. 

Loved spending time with the family, and getting out of the city. 

So now we have a break until sometime mid September before there is another doctors appointment, and I'm glad for the break. 

Rhys starts up school in only a few weeks, were did the time go??? Still waiting to hear about what session he is in be it mornings or afternoons. But regardless he is all ready, all the school supplies are bought and ready to go! 

Also, I wanted to let you guys know that I might be doing a guest blog for someone that I have been following for a few years during her TTC journey. I will let you know more when I hear it but it is exciting to think about. I will keep you posted! 

the last 4 years

The past 4 years can be broken down into two 2 year brackets, the first two years was the heartache of ttc (trying to conceive) a baby. The second two years (starting July 24th 2011) was the moment I knew we were having another baby, little did we know Avery was hanging out too!

Auntie Mae took pics of our 19 month olds

Let me start with the first 2 years. Of infertility, sadness, and living in the dark about it.

Matthew and I knew we wanted to have at least 3 kiddos. It was one of the earliest discussion we had as a dating couple, and one that he started. Matthew said outright "I want kids, I want more then two. If you are not on the same page, lets just end this now and still be friends"

I also wanted kids so it worked out well.

Rhys our little ninja baby was a happy surprise. He was a one shot deal. No charting cycles, no keeping temps, not even fully knowing what CD I was. He was a miracle due to my odd cycles. I remember being a young teen and discovering that I would have issues getting pregnant, and that I should try to have them younger to give myself the best odds. So because of all of this Rhys was even more of a surprise.

Due to the fact that our wedding was coming up, we decided to wait to ttc until just before the wedding.

Little Ninja at our wedding

Rhys was 18 months at our wedding, and we wanted to try and keep the kids close together in age. We didn't know how long it would take.

I quickly discovered a great support group online. I never knew how common infertility was, or how long people could try for a baby and what they would be willing to do to have one. Some of these women I'm still friends with today.  Did you know that about 70% of infertility is secondary infertility. People who have kids and then for some reason can't get pregnant again.

Infertility is like a big taboo. You don't talk about it with anyone but your partner and even then you try not to talk about it too much. You try not to dwell, you keep to yourself and you blame yourself. I was worried to talk too much about it with Matthew because I -knew- it was because of me. Yet even with that knowledge I still had to convince my doctor that I needed to figure out what the issue was. That took longer then it should.

At the beginning, the only people who knew we were ttc (other then my online friends who were also ttc) were Matthew, myself and Gwen's godmother. After a year and a half I told Rhys' godmother, and that was it until just before I found out about the girls.

Why can't we talk about it?

Why must people who are going through this feel as though they have to live in secret about it?

It's sad.

And it was a sad time.

Then, July 24, 2011...The second 2 years

actually this is the one from Aug 2, 2011 I saved my expensive test for when I -knew- it would be positive 

I couldn't have been happier! It was as if all the worries, concerns and heartache dissipated. And then discovering at 8 weeks that there were two babies.

But then after the happiness of being pregnant, of having twins came the fear of loosing them. The discovery of dilation and needing to be put on trendelenburg bedrest. The odds of only a 10% chance of surviving birth. Each. 

Blame in bedrest, believing that it was all on me. Every day was a struggle, a fight with my own body. The first night I couldn't sleep, I was crying talking with my mother-in-law about her experience with three bedrests and two preemie deliveries. One was a very sad outcome that was too close to my own situation, the other was my husband.

And that is just the emotional side of the bedrest. Physically it took a great tole on me, for the first 4 days I had a major headache from being head down, and my neck throbbed. I tried my best not to complain, to not think of my physical discomfort because I believed that if I was too concerned with my own pain I wouldn't win the fight to keep the girls safe inside.

I was told that I would last at most 4 days due to what the medical staff had seen before. That at 6 cm I was too far gone to give them more time. But I am stubborn and I knew that even 4 days would get them to 24 weeks and would give them better odds. I also knew that I would set a new bench mark, that I would last longer and give the girls as long as I could.

We fought for our pregnancy, I was going to fight to give them the best start before they began their fight. But on the Sunday when I couldn't get comfortable we quickly learned that I finally hit 10 cm. But I wasn't going to give in yet. I gave them another 4 days. 4 days to get just past 25 weeks, before the doctors said that it would do more harm with risk of infection. But because I lasted 14 days on bedrest I got them to a 60% chance of surviving their birth.

The sadness of their early delivery was overwhelming. Going in, we didn't know if they would survive delivery, or if I was only going to deliver Gwen and go back to bedrest for Avery. Pushing for over 49 mins on Gwen I had believed that she was gone. That it was too much on her little body. But she came out screaming and did really well. Avery decided that she wanted to come too and only 9 mins later she came into the world toes first wiggling all the way.

The NICU was at least a calm spot for me. Yes my girls fought for their lives there with their medical staff, but it was no longer in my hands. The girls did what they could and I trusted the nurses and doctors fully. I knew that they would do whatever they could to to keep them alive. I met other parents who were watching their little babies fight and we still talk to this day and I love their kids like family.

Gwen

Avery

Lingering health issues and doctors appointments. I naively believed that if they survived birth and the NICU that they would be fine. I quickly learned that between all the things that had to be done to them to help them survive could actually cause lasting affects. I should have known better, but after seeing your children defy the odds part of you believes that that is what they will continue to do.

They were followed by everyone, everyone.

Avery had blood pressure issues, and had a voice issue that we discovered overtime that was due to a paralyzed vocal cord. She will always have it, and it came about due to her PDA surgery, without the surgery she would have died.

Gwen's prolonged ventilation, her three bouts of jaundice, the antibiotics they put her on many times her temps spiked until they found out if she had an infection and her extremely low birth weight all contributed to her hearing issue. Auditory Neuropathy, why did it have to be such a complex diagnoses.

But the positives of being followed by everyone is that we now know Avery is nearsighted, and it isn't due to her premature birth, it's genetic. She will need glasses before she starts school, and will get them before most kids vision problems get picked up. Without being born early, we wouldn't have know this.

Without being born early I wouldn't have learned as much as I do about blood pressure, hearing, vision, development. Many doctors and nurses have commented that I would do well in the medical profession due to how much I retain and study about all of the obstacles the girls have faced. My response is that I am their advocate, if I don't understand everything then I can't fight properly for them. I need to give them the best chance for them to develop and grow like normal kids. Not like preemies. Not like kids with disabilities.



So. Looking back, what was worse?

The first two years were hard, I hit some of my lowest points during that time. But it ended with the happiness of becoming pregnant, and some online friends that I will always have. 

The last two have seen some of my happiest and saddest moments. 

So they both were bad in their own way, the only way the last two are more manageable is because I have my girls, I have the support of others and I'm not covering up my sadness. 

Avery

Gwen

Twin questions

If you are a multiple mama or dada you get a whole lot of interesting questions while you are out in public.

Out to Nana's birthday dinner Dec 31, 2012

My favorite was when the girls were still in their bucket seats and I was asked "are they twins?" I got it so much that one time I said "no they are sisters but not twins, that one on the left is mine and the one on the right isn't" Lets just say that sparked an interesting look.

4 "Brothers" Sisters at Christmas 

Another one I got a lot is "oh are twins in the family" its like the polite way of asking if they are "natural" twins or if you had IUI or IVF or something. Yes twins do run in my family, all sides actually they were natural twins but I was TTC for 2 years and was being watched by a doctor. I was even put on clomid, but the month I got pregnant I didn't get my prescription until late waiting to see if it was going to be changed or not and then thank you stat holiday. My cousin has twins, my husband has twin cousins, and his cousin has twin girls that are only a few months younger then our girls (ironically enough both their mama and I have the same name)


Are they identical is a common one too. My girls are not, but apparently they are looking more alike to others. I personally don't see it. I also get asked if I dress them alike, most times no. For special occasions if I can't find two different dresses I like equally then I will buy two of the same. Often we are given identical outfits so sometimes they end up in the same thing but I don't go out of my way to dress them alike. My thought is that they are two separate individuals so I can dress them that way, but I have dressed all three kids in similar outfits for Christmas pics. Can you blame me?

Santa pic 2012

Christmas Card pic 2012

 
I always "knew" I would have twins. I don't know how I knew but I did. I went into the first ultrasound expecting to see two and I did.

first ultrasound

Gwen

Avery

If you have any twin questions feel free to ask, I have probably heard them before and I don't mind answering them as long as they are asked nicely.

Avery March 1, 2013

Gwen March 1, 2013

Us

It was pointed out to me that I forgot to post a pic of my other twin Avery and that I forgot to mention their wonderful older brother at all. See, not to eloquent, and after two pregnancies (very different ones mind you but that will be a post for another time) often very forgetful. I can't even seem to carry on a verbal conversation and type anymore...

So a little info about the Broti family? I'm a youngish mom, I was a young first time mom or that is how I felt locally.

I'm married to a wonderful man of 3 1/2 years, we have been together for almost 10 years. He has his flaws just like everyone me too. He was a former 26 week preemie who is loved by a great family. I lucked out in the family I married into and love being a part of it.

We have an almost 5 year old son, Rhys, who was a very happy surprise on so many levels one being that he was our little Ninja Baby but again that is another post for a different day.

We started ttc (or trying to conceive) a second when he was 16 months old, we didn't know it at the time but it would be 2 years to the day on July 24, 2011, before we would get our positive pregnancy test and at 8 weeks along due to spotting and an ultrasound that we found out it was twins. We found out in September that we were going to be blessed with two little girls Gwen and Avery. I can still remember in early December speaking with my mother that I only had 3 weeks to enter the "safe" zone of pregnancy 25 weeks...

On December 8, 2011 at 23 weeks I started bleeding a bit heavily and once my husband came home I went into the hospital were we discovered that I was 6 cm dilated. Thankfully I wasn't contracting, but I quickly was put head down feet up position and handed a phone to call my husband who was at home with our sleeping son. During the night and the next morning we were given all the stats, all the doom and gloom of 23 week twins. After finding out that they each only had 10% chance of making it through the delivery that day I asked the doctor how long she thought I could hold out. 4 days max was the thought. I made it 14 days.

Our girls were born at 25 weeks on Dec 21 and they spent a long 128 days in the NICU.

Now they are all but normal 14 month olds, they have their challenges but they are getting through it. They have bet the odds and I know that they will continue to surprise us.

Gwen Feb 27, 2012

Avery Feb 27, 2012

Avery Feb 16, 2013 (Auntie Kit pic)

 Gwen & Avery Feb 16, 2013 (Auntie Kit)

Avery Jan 2013 (Auntie Mae pic)

  

Gwen Jan 2013 (Auntie Mae)

Daddy cuddles Feb 24, 2013

 Avery & Gwen (Auntie Kit)

                                                                                               

Rhys Jan 2013 (Auntie Mae)

So that is us, "normal" average family that has had some not normal things happen to us a long the way. I hope that I might be able to share some of our stories that might just help others, because I know that hearing from other families is how Matthew and I got through the day sometimes.